Wednesday, November 17, 2004

11/17 Hmm, why haven't I posted?

Don't know. It's unusual for me to go three days without posting. I try to do it during my lunchtime but sometimes I forget. My mind is a colander. (I used to say "sieve" but that's a cliche, so I made up one of my own.)

Tonight I'm going to CSz to watch another class's performance. That's sure to be fun.

Am starting to think more and more about home. Even though I have a lot of acquaintances here in Milwaukee, I really don't have a good friend. Someone that I was really close to when I lived here before is now married with a small child. That certainly puts her in a different life phase than me. I still love her, but our relationship was forced to change, and that's not a problem. I'm glad she's happy. We'll see each other every now and then, but there's no more calling me to see if I'd like to go out to dinner, movie, play, whatever. That's what I miss. I noticed that I'm the one who asks people to do stuff. No one calls me.

Guess I need to do some introspection on why that is. (Damn, I hate introspection.) There's no reason to try to look for blame in other people. Why don't I have friends here (versus friendly acquaintances)? One reason for sure is that I enjoy doing things that younger people do--like CSz. Only a very few people there in my age group. My young friends (I'm going to use friends--meaning pals) enjoy being around me sometime, I do know that. But I can't expect them to want to hang out with me all the time.

The last time I lived in Milwaukee I was dating the Prof. Of course that made living here much more palatable. It's not that I don't love Milwaukee. I do. Just well--all the crap I've already written about.

As I think about home, I try to create ways I can do my job long distance--I can certainly write and edit from Quincy. Those are the major parts of my job. But the managerial part would have to go. Am I ready to do that? I'd also have to give up the comaraderie that goes with working in a company. Am I ready to give that up? Guess the answer is no.

Maybe I'm just in a temporary funk. My classes are over for now. Who knows if I'll be in others. Plus, I thought I'd be on a Rec League team with certain people that I've practiced with for a long time. But that's not to be. So I can risk more rejection by asking others to join me on a team, or I can decide to forego the league. Haven't decided yet.

Aarrgghhh! I hate introspection.

5 comments:

Bron said...

tell me about it...
I wish I lived in Milwaukee... then we could call each other!

Jer said...

I remember that you blogged about this very subject yourself.

Want to go to a movie?

Bron said...

yeah I just ranted to Evan about it too... let's do that... I'll pencil you in for august!

Jer said...

Cool. I just might surprise you. England in August won't be too bad.

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