Tuesday, February 28, 2006

2/28 Working off-site again.

Yeah, I worked in my pajamas. Want to make something of it?

I had so much to do, and just couldn't concentrate at work. Something's always going on and I'm so damn distractible. Even with my door closed I'm constantly looking up to see what's going on. Guess I should close my blinds too, but I hate to be that isolated. I'm grateful I at least have a door. If I had a cubicle, I'd never get anything done.

Got a lot done here, though. Left at 4:30 to run to the grocery store, and spent more money than I've spent EVER since I've been living alone. Bought so many staples, and things that just plain cost more. Yikes.

So anyway, that means I need to work a little more this evening, since I took off early. Tonight BroadMinded was supposed to rehearse, but only three of us could make it, so we postponed until next Monday. So I'll either work, write, or watch American Idol and the premiere of Amazing Race. Guess which one will win?

Monday, February 27, 2006

2/27 Travel plans

I'm in a good mood--am taking the train to Quincy on March 10 for a long weekend, am going to NYC in early April, I'm flying to Los Angeles in mid April for a long weekend, and will be in Nashville in late April with a bunch of writer friends. Looks like my April blogs will be one long travelog.

So I'll see lots of people I love and of course I'm grinning. Bought the Amtrak tickets this morning, and will buy the LA tickets as soon as I get my IRS refund. The NY trip is for business.

Last night was fun playing in the CSz Rec League. My team won, but only because we won the coin flip. There was hardly anyone in the audience, because we played last. The only people there were other players and they clapped nicely for each team. The ref couldn't decide who won so he flipped a coin. No complaints from me, it's still in the W column.

Oh, and the prez sent me an article, so I don't have to write one. I'm just going to edit, then add a bit to hers. That's a wonderful stress reduction. I'll work from home at least a half day tomorrow in order to get it done. It definitely has to be in by March 1, which is not-so-slowly creeping up.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

2/26 Sunday morning

I called Beata and Rob last night. Even though her birthday is Wednesday, Rob had a party for her today. Of course as I type this, it's 11:45 PM there, so the party is long over, as it began in the afternoon.

She said he'd given her a real girly-girl party--her very first one. She had pink and white balloons and a pink and white cake. And he did all the cooking. She said it was everything from Bubba Gump Shrimp. All their friends were coming over, and it sounded like a lot of fun.

I surprised her by asking her to join me in New York City in the beginning of April. She yelped, I swear. Even though we're going to Nashville at the end of the month, she'll get to meet some of our writer friends earlier than planned. On Saturday we'll all go to Glo's house and play word games--testing them out for her. It's all quite fun. Then Sunday morning we'll have brunch with everyone in the city as another friend will be coming in from Pennsylvania. Sunday afternoon I'll have to begin work, so Beatka will have plenty of time to explore and to spend time with her friend Heidi.

That's not her only birthday present though. The other one, I'm keeping until she gets here.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

2/25 Paris and poker

This morning I'm relaxing. This afternoon I'll work. But I'll do it in the living room where I can have movies going at the same time.

So while I'm relaxing I was watching the old musical Gigi. I've seen it several times, but this is the first time since I've returned from Europe. I was absolutely thrilled to recognize different areas of Paris I'd visited. Then I noticed that the camera angles in the Tuillieries Jardin were clever because you couldn't see any modern (circa 1955) items. No wonder it won some Oscars.

Now, as I type, Lili is on in the background. It was made in 1953 and was Leslie Caron's first movie (or at least first major movie). I remember seeing it with my mother when I was very young. She and I would sing Hi Lilly, Hi Lilly, Hi Lo, a song from the movie. Nice memories.

Earlier this morning I played online poker. Last night I won $15 in a $3 game, so thought I'd try my luck again. But this morning, luck wasn't with me. I lost $6 in two games. Too bad. But it's sure fun.

Well, guess I should do some productive.

Nope. I rethought it, and will wait until this afternoon.

"A song of love is a sad song
Hi lilly, hi lilly, hi lo.
A song of love is a song of woe.
Don't ask me how I know.
A song of love of is a sad song
For I have loved and it's so.
I sit at the window and watch the rain
Hi lilly, hi lilly, hi lo.
Tomorrow I'll probably love again
Hi lilly, hi lilly, hi lo."

A silly little song, yet it makes me smile. And I remember Mom saying, "That Jean Pierre Aumand. He's good lookin'."

P.S.--The pager didn't go off last night. Yay. Only 13 more nights to go.

2/25 Another silly test

Your Birthdate: August 2

You're so intuitive, it's like you have a sixth, seventh, and eighth sense.
You connect with others freely and easily - and you tend to have many best friends.
Warm and caring, it's hard for you to close your heart to anyone.
Affection is like air for you - you need to give and receive it to survive.

Your strength: Your universal compassion

Your weakness: Your unpredictable mood swings

Your power color: Mauve

Your power symbol: Butterfly

Your power month: February

Friday, February 24, 2006

2/24 Still don't know...

about the article. I may follow up on one the President started. She's contacting her source to see if it's a go. If not, I'll have to come up with something else. And I will. But oh, the stress of this thing....

Other than that, everything is going well. Just finished rehearsing for our first Webinar. I've moderated many chats, but this is very different and so cool. To attend a seminar online, for free, is nifty. I'll be moderating it. The only thing that will change is if Rob and Beata are visiting at the time, and I have a back-up in place in case that happens.

This morning I picked up the pager so now am on call for the first time for the Red Cross Disaster Mental Health Services. The guy I picked up the pager from said he didn't get a call during his two weeks. I can only hope for the same results.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

2/23 Writing glitches

The article I worked on Wednesday is now on hold. The assistant superintendent at the prison said she needs 30 days to get permission for me to ask some inmates to take a survey. When I wrote the article about Prison Performing Arts it took about a minute and a half to get permission. Same state, different institution.

While I was talking to my contact we came up with another idea for an article, but it will take 30 days to get permission for that one too. So now I don't know what I'll do. I did tell her to continue on with the permission thing, and I'll use the material for a later article.

I'm pretty frustrated right now because I've got less than a week to come up with an article. This is a fairly scholarly journal, but they do allow anecdotal (rather than research-based) articles. I don't have to work at CSz this weekend, but really don't want to take my weekend with work. I'd much rather work on my manuscripts. Or just veg out.

Back to the drawing board--which is the cocktail table in my living room. I tend to write better there than at my desk. I make sure there's nothing on the table except what I'm working on--it reduces distractions. And depending on what I'm writing, I have paper and pen or else my laptop. Novels=laptop. Article ideas and drafts=paper. Don't know why it's worked out that way, but it has. At work I use the computer for articles, but at home I feel more creative with paper.

I use the computer for my novels in progress, unless I'm on an airplane. Then I write on paper. Normally it doesn't come to much, unless it's a trans-Pacific or trans-Atlantic flight. Then I rotate between movies, writing, and reading.

I always carry a notebook with me and jot down ideas for comedy sketches, or even the entire sketch; novel ideas; to-do lists; description of interesting people, sights, smells, experiences. Everything is fodder...

How/where do you write?

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

2/22 Writing offsite

which is a euphemism for writing from home. I have an "emergency" article that's overdue. Not my fault. The person who was supposed to write it was unable to do so, so as the journal editor I had to step in.

I spent the morning developing a survey for inmates at a medium security prison, and also crafting a letter to the superintendent asking for permission to give the survey to several inmates.

During the afternoon I've been working on the bones of the article. It's not easy coming up with something this quickly, and I hope it all works out.

I'll need one more full day to work on it, and I'll probably do it next Wednesday, again working offsite.

The title for the piece is eluding me. Hope I get inspired soon.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

2/21 My results so far

What's very cool is that all the descriptors I used for myself were also used by my friends and relatives.


(known to self and others)

brave, cheerful, self-assertive, sympathetic, witty

Blind Spot

(known only to others)

able, accepting, adaptable, bold, caring, clever, complex, confident, dependable, energetic, extroverted, friendly, giving, helpful, idealistic, independent, ingenious, intelligent, kind, knowledgeable, loving, observant, patient, religious, sensible, silly, spontaneous, trustworthy, warm, wise


(known only to self)


(known to nobody)

calm, dignified, happy, introverted, logical, mature, modest, nervous, organised, powerful, proud, quiet, reflective, relaxed, responsive, searching, self-conscious, sentimental, shy, tense

Dominant Traits

57% of people think that Jerilyn65 is extroverted

All Percentages

able (10%) accepting (15%) adaptable (5%) bold (5%) brave (26%) calm (0%) caring (26%) cheerful (21%) clever (21%) complex (5%) confident (10%) dependable (10%) dignified (0%) energetic (26%) extroverted (57%) friendly (21%) giving (10%) happy (0%) helpful (10%) idealistic (5%) independent (10%) ingenious (5%) intelligent (31%) introverted (0%) kind (5%) knowledgeable (15%) logical (0%) loving (5%) mature (0%) modest (0%) nervous (0%) observant (15%) organised (0%) patient (10%) powerful (0%) proud (0%) quiet (0%) reflective (0%) relaxed (0%) religious (5%) responsive (0%) searching (0%) self-assertive (26%) self-conscious (0%) sensible (5%) sentimental (0%) shy (0%) silly (26%) spontaneous (15%) sympathetic (5%) tense (0%) trustworthy (10%) warm (21%) wise (15%) witty (36%)

Created by the Interactive Johari Window on 21.2.2006, using data from 19 respondents.
You can make your own Johari Window, or view Jerilyn65's full data.

Monday, February 20, 2006

2/20 Johari Window

Hey, please fill out the Johari Window about me! Thanks.

(PS: I did go to CSz Rec League and watched all the matches. It was quite enjoyable.)

Sunday, February 19, 2006

2/19 Baby, it's cold outside!

I had to go out today. The house-cleaner came, and I can't stand to be here when someone else is cleaning. Makes me feel guilty. I only have her come once a month, but that old Catholic guilt remains.

While Peggy was here, I went to Cosi and wrote. Finished two more sketches, and hatched an idea about a song parody. I'll unveil them Tuesday night with the group.

Then I went to the grocery store. It was so, so crowded and not fun. When I stopped by the bank to cash my CSz check, it was so cold that my card wouldn't go in. It worked at another branch however.

Coming home was great, though. Not only is it warm and cozy--it's clean. I love that feeling. I still have lots of junk to put away--piled it on my bed and by my desk. But today, I might just sit for a while. Or else go to watch the Rec League--even though my team has a bye. It feels so good to not have anything to do though. Good--and rare.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

2/18 Cold as a witch's...

house if the witch lived in Wisconsin.

I've not felt warm all day. When I woke up this morning, it was -14 F but it was -40 F with the wind chill. Needless to say I didn't go out.

What I did do was finish my taxes. Finally. And I'm getting a refund this year which is nearly unheard of for me. Hooray.

Friday, February 17, 2006

2/17 SOAR Award

Something really cool happened yesterday. I received a SOAR Award at the all-staff meeting. We have the meeting every Thursday morning, and I lead it. This was the first time these new awards were given out. SOAR stands for Strategic Objectives Achievement Recognition--that didn't make sense to me, until I read it as more of a sentence. Anyway, I got the award because of the extra work I did writing copy and copy-editing a new website. It was supposed to have been minimal effort on my part, but turned into a major project, causing a lot of extra work and--if truth be told--a lot of stress as well. But now it's just about done, and my work on that project has decreased to nearly nothing.

Receiving the award was sure a surprise, but a very nice one. With your SOAR certificate you can choose from a list of gifts. I guess most people will save their certificates and combine them with new ones. Then the available gifts are more valuable.

In a few minutes I'm going to lunch with my friend, Penny, who just returned from maternity leave. I am STARVING, and am craving a Q-doba vegetarian taco salad.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

2/16 The end of the world?

I swear this is true. Today, in Wisconsin, all at the same time, we had rain (lots), snow (lots), thunder (loud) and lightning (lots). It was freakin' awesome!

Driving to get my hair cut wasn't quite as awesome, but was certainly interesting. I went during lunchtime, and on the five mile drive there saw five accidents. That's not all that many, considering the conditions. On the way back to work I almost got in a wreck myself. Tried to get out of the way of a snowplow and almost plowed myself into a mailbox. But thank heavens for four-wheel drive.

Should have stayed home today instead of yesterday--this is a perfect day for cocooning.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

2/15 BroadMinded again

It was fun last night. The group seemed to really like the sketch I wrote about a horrible banking experience, based on real life of course. So that felt good. And I found that writing it was very easy. Also turned in my slam poetry for our comedic poetry reading.

Others had some good stuff too. I'm certainly not going to give away all we're working on, but I believe we'll have some really funny bits.

We did get a Valentine gift--Melissa brought a flower for each of us. That was so sweet.

Next week we'll meet at my place. I'm glad. I live 20 minutes away from downtown and am the one usually driving there. So this will be great.

I'm thinking I'll start having the monthly Games Gang get-togethers again too. Before I went to the UK in 2004, my friends and I had a great time. Each month the group's composition would change, and that made it even more fun. Since I got back I haven't scheduled one, and I miss it.

Am working from home today, so I better get back to it.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

2/14 Happy Valentine's Day!

I have a date tonight.

No, not that kind of date (sigh), but with seven women. BroadMinded is rehearsing tonight. Out of the eight of us, two are married (Stacy and Mary Jo), one's boyfriend is in California (Anne), one's bf is in NY (Megan), and the other four of us are the stuff sitcoms are made of.

Other than me, the others are young, intelligent and lovely. (Okay, I'm the last two, just not the first.) Don't know why everyone is dateless. Michele is one of the funniest women on God's green earth, and has the most beautiful eyes and tons of friends. Melissa is one of the funniest women on God's green earth (that sounds familiar), has an infectious laugh, and a beautiful smile. Maria is one of the funniest women on God's green earth (I know it's repetitive, but I can't help but state what's true), is very pretty and does stand-up with me.

Then there's me. Other than having an ass the size of Rhode Island, I'm practically perfect.

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you. Hope you are happy and are with the one(s) you love. I know I will have a wonderful evening--hanging out with BM (OOPS, guess we can't abbreviate BroadMinded).

Monday, February 13, 2006

2/13 Writing

I write--and edit-- much of the day. And get paid for it.

That does bring me happiness.

But the true joy comes when I can just turn off the governor in my brain and just write. Sheer pleasure.

I'm in the midst of writing sketches for BroadMinded, and laughing as I do. We're meeting tomorrow, and it will be funny to hear the sketches everyone has written.

Am also working on some flash fiction for a website. This isn't quite as easy. To come to completion within a few pages. That's even more difficult than writing a short story--and I'm not too good at that either. But I like to be stretched, and will devote some time to the flash fiction and see how it turns out.

Sunday, February 12, 2006

2/12 We lost but we won

Brainstorm lost their match tonight. But we won too, because we had such a good time, and all four of us were there for the first time.

I just love performing at ComedySportz. The Rec League is full of fun and talented people.

Now I'm making a late dinner, and will try to get to sleep early tonight, because it's gym time early in the AM.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

2/11 Tired old broad

I worked last night and tonight at CSz, and my feet hurt from standing on cement floors. It was a good day though, except there's more added to the bank saga. It's so ludicrous, that I have to laugh instead of cry.

So I wrote a comedy sketch about it, and think it's really funny. I'll present it to the BroadMinded gang on Tuesday night when we get together. Hope they like it.

Tomorrow Brainstorm plays a CSz match at 6. I'll get there earlier to watch some of the other teams play and to support my friends.

Friday, February 10, 2006

2/10 A better mood

I don't think I posted this, but even if I did, I'm going to do it again. This is the picture of my grand-daughter, Kayla, at the birthday party I wrote about last month.

Today, Jill, Todd, Kayla and Hunter are on their way to Cancun. What a wonderful treat. Kayla told me, "We can swim in the ocean and eat ice cream any time we want." Life doesn't get any better than that.

2/10 I'm pissed and not in the UK way

I'm so angry at my bank. I HATE BANKS! Let it be known.

What started as an innocent, although stupid, overdraft has escalated into full-scale war. I spent $90 on meds and forgot to note it. Ultimately it resulted in a negative balance. Damn! But no big deal, because it's just a mistake, and I'll be charged $34 (robbery), but everything will be copacetic immediately following.

I transferred $157 into my checking account as soon as I noticed the overdraft. (That was all I had in my "immediate access" laughingly-called savings account.)

But by then other (small) charges had come through--four of them, and I was charged $34 x 4. Then I acquired $200, put it in, and I'm still overdrawn. Why? Because when I had transferred the $157, I thought I had some extra cash and bought a Starbuck's coffee for $1.85. That great-tasting cup of coffee cost me $35.85.

(I don't want to hear that banks have to make money. I know that. And I know THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT. But it's my blog and I can rant about stupid, stupid banks all I want to.)

Thursday, February 09, 2006

2/9 Talented friends

Another writer spoke of a new, talented singer/songwriter in his blog, and I thought that was a great idea. I have some friends who are also very talented, and I can use this space to help promote their work.

Today, we'll talk about Bruce Goldish. Not only is he a hilarious wordsmith, he is also such a talented acoustic guitarist and songwriter. He writes such gorgeous melodies, and his fingers work miracles on the guitar. Please check out some of his songs. You will not be disappointed. I promise.

As an aside, he's also one of my favorite humans. When we had a writer/friend get-together in Las Vegas in 2005, Bruce was scheduled to perform at Acoustic Roadshow. He asked for me as his opening act, even though I'm a comic, not a musician. How sweet is that! Bruce is the reason I can say with all honesty that I played Vegas.

Love you, Bruce. Hope you sell a million billion CDs.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

2/8 It went well, I think!

I'm sneaking in for a few minutes. Am in a meeting during lunch today, so can't post then. Today is incredibly busy, and of course I'm tired because of last night.

The show at Giggles went really well. Some people were a little more nervous than others. I don't feel scared of performing, but I do have a fear that I'll get up and my mind will be a total blank. Luckily it didn't happen. Not only did I remember everything, I got laughs in all the right places. Was even able to ad lib a little (thank you, improv training). I was the only female performer, and the MC said something snarky about all the male comics were excited I was there because they thought they'd get to have sex with me.

My first line when I got up on stage was, "Well, two down, five to go." It got a LOT of laughs. Then I went into my regular routine.

I had five people in the audience who came for me, and then several others who were mutual friends with other performers. So it was cool. Our CEO was there, and my immediate boss. Lew, from work came again. She was in the audience last year when I played Giggles. Plus Tony, my friend from the Medical College, and Chris, who surprised me by taking a break from work. He's on my Rec League team--Brainstorm. Michele, from CSz, came to see Jim perform, but she's in BroadMinded with me. Then there were Christine and Jeff--who were in several CSz classes with me.

All in all, everything went really well. Our instructor said he liked my new stuff and that this was the best I'd ever done. The asst. manager of the Comedy Club told me I did a great job, and he bought me a beer.

I'm looking forward to performing again.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

2/7 I'm stoked!

Tonight is the performance at Giggles, and it will be fun. Last time I performed there, I really enjoyed it, and we all went across the street and sang karaoke afterward. It would be fun to do that again, too.

Last night was good. First was a meeting at ComedySportz with everyone who works in the box office. If you add up the ages of the other five people, the figure comes close to my age. Truth.

Then I went to Slim's to meet with BroadMinded for the first time. Six out of our eight members were able to attend. Over beer and food we all brought our ideas for sketches. Some of them were hilarious. I had one that I loved, and another member is writing the sketch. It's so fun how brainstorming works. One person says an idea, and everyone feeds off of it. Then it becomes something so much better. I love collaboration. This sketch is going to be so much better than my original idea.

We assigned writing to everyone at the table, and we'll meet next week to rehearse a bit at Anne's house.

So HOORAY, I have a date (or dates) for Valentine's day.

Monday, February 06, 2006

2/6 My day

Got up early and went to the gym. It's funny how 30 minutes on the elliptical machine can energize me so much. I just need to get started with the weight machines again. It's hard finding the time. But I'll never complain about not having enough time. Once, when I did, a friend answered with, "You have all the time there is." How true is that! I have the same amount of time as everyone else. It's how we use it, how we schedule ourselves, that makes the difference.

I'll work until 5:30 today--that's leaving early for me. There's a meeting at CSz I need to attend at 6, and then a meeting at Slim's (a bar) with BroadMinded.

Luckily I'm taping the Bachelor, and can watch it when I get home. (Hey, even when I'm over-committed, I still heart reality shows.)

Sunday, February 05, 2006

2/5 Rec League

Rec League rocked.

First, CSz offered a brunch menu, so lots of people were there.

When it was our turn to play, CK and I were panicking because our third wasn't there. MJ was at a Shakespeare rehearsal that she couldn't miss but Stacy said she'd be there. We got a sub, even though it meant we'd have to forfeit the match. Because there's an audience, you still play even though you forfeit. But at the last minute, Stacy came in, very apologetic for running late.

And we won our match. I'm so pleased. Stacy rocked big time. Chris was great too. I was probably the weakest player on our team this time, but I got a bunch of laughs--especially when I played some mold named Bill.

Saturday, February 04, 2006

2/4 Worked a lot

Just got home a little while ago from CSz. I worked six hours today, and three last night. So I'm ready to relax a little. Tonight I'll just veg. Tomorrow I'm back at CSz to perform in the Rec League. And Monday I'm back there again for a meeting. I think I drove home on automatic pilot.

Nothing much else happening here. Wish I had something exciting to say. But nope, nada, zip, zero, zzzzz zzz.

Friday, February 03, 2006

2/3 Jimmy's birthday

My youngest brother, Jim, turns 42 today. It's impossible. Seriously.

Look at him and you'd see a big barrel of a guy, with white-blond hair. I think he's about 6'4" or so. I may be exaggerating because I'm so short he looks like a giant.

Jim's been a tow-head all his life. The bits of gray don't really show because his hair is so light.

When I look at him, though, I see this little guy whining to go with me wherever I went. I'm the oldest of nine. As the youngest, Jim is spoiled beyond comprehension. He had glasses by age two. Those black frames against the pale face and white hair made him look adorable. He was cute enough by himself, but the glasses sealed the deal.

Our father was very ill when Jimmy was small. We gave in to his incessant whining, because Mom would say, "Don't let him wake up Daddy. Take him with you." That's why he was spoiled.

I mentioned whining twice. I'm done with it. Because there was (and is) so much more to Jimmy. He has always been hilarious, and smart. For some reason he didn't want to go to college, but he's done well despite that.

When John Candy died, it was like a member of the family passed away. Jim looks so much like John Candy that we always felt "connected" to the ill-fated comedian.

All the sibs live in the Quincy area except Jim and me. I plan on returning there after retirement. Jim will never live there again, because he's found a new family in Aurora IL. He married Karen, a lovely woman who is a sister to us. Her parents have adopted Jim (not legally, but emotionally), and I don't think he'll ever leave Aurora.

Luckily Jim and Karen do visit Quincy as often as they can. But I live two hours from them and they've never come to Wisconsin. What's up with that?

I just re-read what I wrote and I noticed this is sure a disjointed entry. Just bits and pieces about Jim, and nothing really connects them. Except one thing. I love him.

Happy birthday, "little" brother.

Jim is the little kid sitting on the floor. Someone just cut and pasted him in there. When this picture was taken, it was late 1961 and Jim wasn't born until 1964. This picture was in the Quincy Herald-Whig with a small article about all of our names starting with the letter J.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

2/2 tired, sheesh, whew, wow, yuck, icky

Yeah, I don't know how I feel. My iTunes is going at my desk, and certain songs make me chuckle. Some make me cry. Some pass over me with no effect at all.

This is a productive day. That energizes me.

Some of the things/people/issues/stuff I have to deal with are challenging (to say the least, because I don't want to get fired). That enervates me.

So I've got this yin/yang, up/down, happy/sad, energetic/enervated thing going on. It's a bit daunting. But as soon as we get this %&))^%$&^##@ website renovation completed, I'm going to drink and sleep.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

2/1 Where did January go?

They say after 40 it's all downhill. I'm here to say that's true, but not always in a bad way. As someone who is WAY past her 40s, I notice that everything just rushes by. If I'm in a bad mood, it's no big deal, it's going to pass quickly. My headache? Gone! That's true for all bad things. Unfortunately it's also true for good things.

Right now, I'm content. I'm happy about things I'm involved in. There's less homesickness now because my life is more full. But it'll pass.

There goes the bad and the good, rushing by in front of my eyes. I try to grab moments, items, memories, people. But whooooosh--they're gone.

I try to live in the present, but it's excruciatingly difficult. I'm always looking for the next bit of fun and excitement, the next hearing of I Love You, the next delicious meal, the next performance, reality show, card game, adventure, ad infinitum.

Now is so precious, and so fragile. Poof--it's disappeared.