I'm feeling that vague longing again. Wanting something more, something different.
A someone. A place. An activity. A volunteer job.
I don't know what I'm longing for--it's just there. A dissatisfaction with the status quo. I've been plagued with this since I was a child. I crave adventure.
While loving my family passionately, moving away was always in the plans.
One thing I'm working on right now (on my long list of faults) is trying to be less impulsive. I told this to a friend the other night over a beer and he said, "Why would you want to do that?"
Other "normal" people may want more impulsivity. For me, I'd love to feel content. Probably the last time I felt that was when I was married. We had lots of adventures--both with the kids and without them. We went camping, mountain climbing, white water rafting, spelunking, and more....
Now I get my adventures in other ways--volunteering in disaster mental health, performing comedy on stage, traveling to other countries. But since I spend my money on fun, I live from paycheck to paycheck. Stupid, I know. But spending my kids' inheritance is one of the fun things I do. They've both said I should do it. So I obey. :) Thank God for 401 K plans, so I do have some money stashed away for retirement.
Hurricane season is upon us, and I know I'm going to be called to do disaster work. I desperately want to do it--it's what I'm trained for. If I could get a job that paid enough, I'd do the work full time. Instead, I volunteer. The problem is the same as last year--I won't have any vacation time left to do this. So I'll have to leave for two weeks without pay. Last year I borrowed money so I could do it and still pay my bills. This year that option doesn't exist. Damn! Don't know what to do.
The sensible ones reading this will think the answer is obvious--if I don't have the money I shouldn't go. The quixotic ones reading this will think the answer is obvious--figure out a way to get the money so you can go.
I'm on the quixotic side. But first I have to see if my company will let me go again for two weeks without pay.
Discontent. Longing. Wanting. Anything you are aching for?