Friday, December 22, 2006

12/22 I love my son

Here's how things change. The boy who, as a teenager, made me want to check out the exchange policy on adopted kids, well, he almost saved my life.

I was choking--not because anything was in my throat, but because my esophagus was going into a major paroxysm. This happens to me at night in bed normally, and I know to stay calm and that shortly I'll be able to breathe again. But this time I was standing and talking and I put a piece of chocolate into my mouth without thinking. Chocolate is the one thing that can make my esophagus tighten up immediately. Yet, I've learned to stay calm and know I'm just seconds away from breathing. (Yes, I know I could give up chocolate, and I almost have--but damn, it's hard at this time of year.)

Anyway, I was wheezing and choking and suddenly that stopped because no air was able to get through. I put my arms up in the air--nothing. Rob said, "Are you okay?" and I shook my head no. He jumped up from his chair and did the Heimlich on me. Even though there was nothing blocking my airway but my own closed esophagus, the maneuver shocked my bod enough that I could breathe immediately.

I looked at him later and said, "You would have done a tracheotomy if you'd have had to, right?" He said, "Yep." I knew I was with the right person.

I think I would have been okay after a while, but I was absolutely panic-stricken. That's so unlike me. I'm still a little shaken.

All I know is I couldn't breathe, and after Rob helped me, I could.

God, I love my son.


Anonymous said...

I wouldn't have been able to stay calm in a situation like that either. Not being able to breathe would freak me out. YAY Rob for being there for your momma!!

Anonymous said...

First, I have to agree with you...STOP EATING ANYTHING THAT ENDANGERS YOUR LIFE!!!! I don't care how hard you think it is...STOP IT!!! HOW scary....I know b/c Joe's story of saving me that same way is true. It is the most frightening momemt of my life. Not being able to breath and KNOWING it is pretty life altering. So YAY for Rob...HE is NOW your George Bailey! And of course you love him..he's your son...Don't worry Rob, Uncle Joe would have not let her 'exchange' you...he was ready to run off and hide Sarah, and he'd have done the same for you...YOU are OURS!

Anonymous said...

Ditto...what Cindy said!

Anonymous said...

Just glad I was there and that things are fine. I didn't immediately grasp how deeply the incident had impacted Mom emotionally. I guess I just don't think like that. But when she came out later (after apparently thinking more about it and having a bit of a cry), I felt bad about how scared she must have been. Now, contemplating the potential tragedy of this afternoon, I'm just more thankful than ever that my mom is my mom, and I have her here--right here--at home with me. Tonight, I take nothing and no one for granted. Especially, my mother. I guess it would be nice if we could all live the whole of our lives--every day, every hour, every minute--as acutely aware and appreciative of how special the people we love, the sights we see, the things we hear, and the things we do truly are. There's so much to cherish, yet all too often I find myself unengaged or aloof. I suppose we all do at times.
Tomorrow, I'll do better. I cherish my mom.

Of course mom wouldn't have exchanged me, but the stark contrast of the two pictures she was trying to paint--one of an all-too-often difficult and sometimes decidedly impossible boy and the other of a grown man who might have saved her life--reminds me of two things that cross my mind quite often these days: 1) If I could travel back in time to kick my own ass, I would; and 2) I'm happy a happy person today. Life is wonderful.

Well, enough for tonight. I'm tired of kicking so much ass in poker this evening. Time to go count my chips and fall asleep with a grin on my face. I'm a poker genius, and I love my mom.

Now go out there and heimlich the ones you love.

Jerilyn Dufresne, author said...

Thanks, Cindy, Kelly, and Andrea. And especially Rob. I'm fine now, but it was indeed a traumatic and emotional experience.

Rob, thanks for making me laugh. But I'm not grateful that you won at poker. Although it was about time. :)

Beata said...

It was a scary experience. I can only imagine what mom felt at that moment, but the worse thing was that she wasn't able to talk. Or in that matter, even breathe. I felt helpless, but Rob was there so she was save. Another reason, after thinking about this incident for hours, for Mom not to move far away from the family. If it's us, California, or Quincy. I want Mom to be able to live close enough, that when anything happens, there is someone who Mom can count on. This was an eye opener for us, and it made us to appreciate the moment, or each other, even more.

Jerilyn Dufresne, author said...

Aw, Bea, you are so sweet. But you did indeed convince me... Love you.